So, I got a housekeeper. Yes, I know. Us women are expected to be able to keep the house clean and tidy. However, I did not receive that gene from my mom-my sister did. I had just lost my job. I felt like a total loser. I had some money saved, but it probably wasn’t best spent on a housekeeper. But, I exchanged my monthly chocolate budget (hey, some have Starbucks, I have chocolate) for a housekeeper.
Sweet Rachel came in and cleaned up my horrible house. I had dust bunnies on top of the dust bunnies, and two cats…use your imagination, but don’t let it get too wild!!! She was kind. She was forgiving. She reassured me that she had seen MUCH worse. I followed her around the house and we chatted most of the time she was cleaning. I suppose I should have just let her clean, but we had an established relationship already, and had some commonalities that gave us an intimacy that I craved. It was almost like hiring a cleaning therapist. (Hey…maybe I’m on to something here!!) I felt so much better when she left. My house was almost immaculate (2 cats, clutter) and she had justified my emotions. She had normalized what I was feeling and she had offered me a safe place to share. I was not expecting that.
All this to say, we aren’t meant to live life alone. God didn’t create us that way. He created us to have a dependence on others, but mostly on Him.
With the holiday season comes Hallmark movies. Girl. I love them. I watched every one of them I could find the last two years. I laughed, I cried, and there was always this welling up in my chest for that love that they inevitably find by the end of those two hours. Oh sure, it came with its challenges, but somehow, they worked it out and found their way back to each other! I want life to be that way for me, too!!!
One thing about those movies started to bother me this year. These women were beautiful, smart, strong, and stupid. Yes, I said stupid. I would get so frustrated at these women that I would yell at the TV!!! They would not accept help!!! They were stubborn and annoying. They had convinced themselves that they didn’t need anyone but themselves. They dug their heels in, they cut off meaningful relationships because their pride told them to. They tried to do it all on their own. And (don’t hate me) it made them look so ugly to me!!
How many of us have been that woman? Be honest. We got hurt, sister-I’m 48 years old. I’ve got 48 years of hurt, plus my mom’s hurt, plus my sister’s hurt, plus my client’s hurt…I know hurt. We got hurt and that was IT. We were never getting hurt again. We made a promise that we were never allowing anyone in again that would hurt us. We were not allowing anyone in who couldn’t follow through, who wouldn’t disappoint us. We would just do it ourselves. Amiright?
Okay, listen up. We were NEVER meant to do life alone. God created man (Gen 1:26) and that was good. He then realized that man needed some friends (Gen 2:18) and man got some cats and dogs, maybe a hamster, or two. Something to depend on him and give him purpose. But God then decided that these critters were not ‘suitable helpers’ (Gen 2:21) for man and he put man to sleep, TOOK OUT ONE OF HIS RIBS and created woman from that rib (Gen 2:22). That was a little weird, God.
But listen,
“This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man” (Gen 2:23).
People have misused this verse for years. It was like the verse heard around the world, and you can just feel women digging their heels in. Why does it cause such defensiveness, though? Think about why it is so offensive that God created man, then woman, to keep each other company? What messages has the world given you that makes you believe that you don’t need anyone but yourself?
It's all a lie.
A lie from the pit of hell.
Why is it a lie? Let me tell you. We were made to help each other out. Compare the benefits of doing everything alone with the benefits of doing things with other people. Sure, other people can get annoying, they can disappoint us and let us down. Sometimes they aren’t dependable. Sometimes they hurt us.
You know what? They also help us. The world wants you to believe that you are on your own. Why? So you will feed their pockets. What? No way. Yes way. Because what do you grab for when you’re feeling lonely? Starbucks? Chocolate? TV? Social Media? Shopping? Alcohol? Drugs? I dare you-pay attention to the messages you are getting from the media. Those Hallmark movies, that we believe are heaven on earth, are even telling you that you’re alone and you have to do it on your own.
I’m not condemning TV or Youtube, Insta, Facebook…well, I am a little, but I’m giving that responsibility to you. Pay attention to the messages it sends. Pay attention to how you receive those messages. Pay attention to how you are responding to the people around you. Are you getting defensive at stupid things? Do you feel as if the whole world is against you? Do you feel as if you have to do it yourself if you want it done right?
We were made for community. We were made for companionship. We were made to be helpmates-both men and women. We help each other. But we are going to make mistakes. We ALL make mistakes. We ALL let each other down. We must give each other grace to make mistakes and to come back and be in our lives again. Stop making pacts that you are just going to do it yourself. Stop shutting people out. Stop judging people and their actions. Open that door-even if it must be opened slowly. Open that door and start letting help in. None of us can do it alone.
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